


Chris-Mass at Quark's

by gladdecease



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Christmas, Gen, Jewish Character, Misunderstandings, Star Trek Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 02:14:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8949790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gladdecease/pseuds/gladdecease
Summary: Quark has a plan to profit off an old Hew-mon celebration.There's just one problem with his plan, and Jadzia's going to let him figure that out in his own time.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [storry_eyed](https://archiveofourown.org/users/storry_eyed/gifts).



> Ellen! I hope you enjoy your secret santa gift - your prompts left me a lot of leeway, so I tried to include bits of both DS9 requests to make sure you got the most Things You Like out of the fic as possible.
> 
> Happy holidays!

Ops had been buzzing all day about the latest bizarre thing going on at Quark's. All of the information had been vague, so Jadzia hadn't known what to expect, but it certainly hadn't been... _this_.

The Cardassian standard grey-brown walls had been covered with patterns in red, green, white, and gold. The tables were all similarly decorated, covered in red or green velvet with a puffy white trim. Leafy stems wrapped in red ribbon and dripping with white berries hung from the ceiling at the top of the stairs. Evergreen branches dusted with white fluff, wrapped around railings and stools everywhere you looked, brought to mind the snowy seasons of Jadzia's childhood. Her home on Trill had never seen more than two feet of snow at a time, but the blizzards some of Dax's former hosts had seen...

Quark popping up at Jadzia's shoulder drove all thoughts of past lives firmly out of her mind. How he'd been able to sneak up on her, she couldn't say - not with the bright clothes in the same colors as the room, or with the matching pointed hat with a fist-sized golden bell at the top. "Dax!" With an expansive wave of his hand, he invited her to take in the whole of the room. "What do you think?"

"It's... definitely something." Quark wilted, the point of his hat falling to smack him in the face, and Jadzia couldn't hold back a laugh. "Come on, Quark, what am I _supposed_ to think? All this glitz and glamour - what's it even _for_?"

Quark squared his shoulders and puffed out his chest. "Why, Lieutenant Dax," he said in his most official voice, "it's for Chris-Mass!"

"Chris... Mass?"

"That's right, Chris-Mass."

Jadzia did her best to hide a grin. "Sorry, doesn't ring any bells."

"Funny you should say that," Quark said, when Bashir suddenly inserted himself between them.

"Quark!"

"Doctor!"

Bashir grabbed Quark by the shoulders, speaking each word emphatically the way he tended to when halfway drunk. "This... is... _brilliant_!"

Hat askew, Quark tried to subtly encourage Bashir to let go of him, twisting in his grasp. "I'm delighted to hear it, doctor. Now, if you would excuse me - "

Spotting Odo hovering in a corner, Jadzia said, "Oh, don't let me pull you away from a satisfied customer, Quark," and made her escape. Odo greeted her with a nod and quiet grunt, his attention divided between Quark and a PADD. Jadzia pulled out a PADD of her own and sent off a quick message. That done, she gave herself a moment to take in the overabundance of attempted holiday cheer; there had to be more than thirty berries on that sprig at the top of the stairs!

You had to say this about Quark: when he thought there was real potential for profit in something, he went all-out.

"So," she said, once the silence had gone on too long for her liking, "what do you make of all this?"

"Hmph. 'Christmas'," Odo said, reading from his PADD. "'A winter holiday of one of the historically prominent Earth religions, celebrating the birth of the god Jesus Christ.'"

Jadzia exaggerated a frown. "Now that doesn't sound like something Quark would be a fan of."

Odo's voice got more sour - if such a thing was possible. " _Apparently_ , in the last six hundred years or so, the holiday became increasingly secular, to the point that even now, when a majority of Earth people are non-religious, many still gather to eat, give gifts, and spend time with their families."

A dabo girl walked by, wearing tight red velvet material that might, generously, be called a dress.

"Looks _very_ family-friendly."

Odo snorted. "Personally, I'm all for it."

"Really, Odo?" Jadzia asked, delighted. "And here I thought skimpy clothing and gaudy presents weren't your thing."

"They aren't." With a tilt of his head towards the bar, where Quark was presenting Bashir and O'Brien with a creamy off-white beverage, Odo added, "But I'm in favor of _anything_ that gets Quark to dress like _that_."

She grinned. "That bell _is_ a nice touch."

It started ringing sharply as Quark's head turned back and forth, trying to settle an argument between O'Brien and Bashir about an appropriate alternative to the drink, which neither of them appeared to have appreciated. Dragging in a reluctant bartender to mediate the fight, Quark ducked under the counter, one hand holding his hat flat against his head, the other holding a glass of the rejected drink, and headed straight for them. With each step he took, the bell bounced up and down, _ring-a-ding-ding_.

Odo hummed, pleased. "It certainly is."

"Lieutenant, Constable," Quark glanced between them, an optimistic look in his eye. "I do hope you're enjoying yourselves?"

Taking the glass out of Quark's hand and drinking deeply, Jadzia said, "I am now." Then, registering the taste, she bit back a grimace; whatever Quark had spiked this with, it wasn't rum. Still, alcohol was alcohol; she took another sip, adjusting to the flavor.

Odo grunted a laugh. "Hardly."

"Oh come now, don't be like that! Chris-Mass has something for everyone - even you, Odo." Before Odo could do something outrageous, like ask for an example, Quark glanced out the door and said, in a carefully inoffensive tone that tended to make people wearing Security gold suspicious, "Neither of you would happen to have seen Commander Sisko this evening, would you?"

Jadzia glanced at Odo; naturally, he'd noticed that tone of voice. "That depends," Odo said lightly. Then, flatly: "Why do you ask, Quark?"

"Simply curious!" When it was clear they didn't believe him, Quark relented and said in an undertone, "If you _must_ know, this evening was arranged with the commander in mind."

"Really?"

"I... may have happened to notice, over the last few years, that my Federation customers tend to rent a certain type of holosuite program more frequently in the six weeks surrounding this day. I investigated the matter, and discovered Chris-Mass! A wonderful celebration for people of all ages!"

"One that would appeal to your Federation customers, and _only_ to your Federation customers," Odo said, tutting. "Not very profitable."

With a smirk, Jadzia continued Odo's line of thought. "Unless the Bajoran Emissary was seen happily participating in this 'wonderful celebration'."

"At Quark's, of course."

"Of course!"

Defensively, Quark said, "And why not? His chief of operations and chief medical officer are happily participating!" Bashir and O'Brien took this moment to smash a pair of frankly enormous mugs together and begin singing raucously about merry gentlemen. Quark turned a triumphant look on Jadzia and Odo. "Why shouldn't Sisko join in?"

"How do you even know he _celebrates_ this holiday?" Odo asked.

Quark grinned and pointed a finger at Odo. "I'll tell you how: Rule of Acquisition number seventy-four."

It took Jadzia a moment to recall the appropriate saying. "Knowledge equals profit?"

Odo leaned forward, resting his chin on a fist. "This should be interesting."

"I did my research." Leaning in conspiratorially, Quark said, "Did you know the Hew-mon names Joseph, Benjamin, and Jacob all come from the holy book for this holiday's religion?"

"Do they?" Odo shot Jadzia a look, and she glanced down at her PADD, pretending to look up the answer.

"They do all seem to originate in a Christian text called the Old Testament, from before the god this holiday is about was born."

Quark, looking offended at the idea that Odo would doubt him, said, "Now, one name would mean nothing. Two? Maybe that could happen accidentally. But all three? No way that's a coincidence. There's got to be a reason to it."

"It certainly sounds plausible," Odo said thoughtfully, but he was looking at Jadzia as he said it. She tried to keep a straight face, but knew she probably wasn't succeeding.

"You see?" Quark said triumphantly. Something shattered expensively near the bar, and he winced. "If you'll excuse me."

Once Quark was out of earshot - or at least distracted enough by the mess to not pay attention - Odo said, "You're not telling him something."

Jadzia turned her best wide-eyed ingenue face on Odo. She even brought a hand up to press against her chest. "Me?"

Odo leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms. "As a security officer, it's part of my duties to pay attention to facial expressions. It makes it easier to catch criminals in a lie if you know what lying looks like. And you, Dax, have a particular look when you know something someone else doesn't. You also have a variant on that look, when you've decided not to tell someone what you know because you think the end result will be _funnier_ that way." Taking a long sip from her glass, Jadzia raised her eyebrows at Odo expectantly. He grunted, nodding like this had confirmed something for him. "I don't know what it is, but I hope you're right. I could use a laugh at Quark's expense today."

"Oh, don't you worry," Jadzia said, spotting a familiar figure walking across the Promenade. It was only a moment before Quark spotted him as well and ran out the door to intercept him, leaving bedraggled waitstaff behind to deal with the mess. Jadzia stood up to get a better view, and after a moment's consideration, Odo joined her near the entrance to the bar.

 _Ring-a-ding-ding_ , went Quark's hat. "Commander Sisko! Commander Sisko!"

Sisko spun on his heel and grinned at the sight of Quark. "Well, aren't you looking festive today, Quark!"

"Why thank you, commander," Quark said, straightening his hat and collar as he struck a pose. "And there's more where that came from, if you'd just step inside the bar."

Glancing past Quark at the red/green/gold chaos within, Sisko said, "I can see that. But I'm afraid I need to be going." He held up a little wooden top, twirling it between his thumb and forefingers. "I've got plans with Jake tonight. Dinner and a game." Smile widening, he said, "You might enjoy it, Quark - there's _gambling_ involved."

"Really?" Looking at the somewhat neglected dabo tables, Quark said, "But I didn't find anything related to this holiday that involved gambling..."

He squeaked as Sisko wrapped an arm around his shoulders and shook him playfully. "Now, Quark, you need keep an open mind! There's more than one human holiday this time of year, you know."

"...there is?" Quark asked weakly.

"Sure there is!" With a laugh, Sisko let go of Quark. Spotting Jadzia, he nodded; she tilted her glass in his direction. "Now, if you'll excuse me," Sisko said with a wide smile and a competitive gleam to his eye, "I have some gelt to win!" And with that, he was gone.

Wide-eyed and staring at nothing, Quark wavered on his feet. "I don't understand," he said blankly. "The names. It should've worked... it should've..."

A nearby turbolift opened up to reveal Kira, frowning down at a PADD. She spotted Jadzia and Odo and, grinning, joined them. "What's all this?" she asked after setting eyes on the bar. Then, noticing Quark's state of shock: "And what's wrong with him?"

"Rule of Acquisition number thirty-three: It never hurts to suck up to the boss." Ducking in closer to Kira's side, Jadzia whispered, "It didn't quite work out."

Odo, who'd been tapping at his PADD since Sisko left, made an amused sound and said, "'Gelt: chocolate coins traditionally given to children on the old Earth holiday of Hanukkah.'"

"Hanukkah?" Quark blinked, bleary-eyed. "What's that?"

"A winter holiday from an Earth religion called Judaism," Jadzia said. "Their holy book, the Torah, serves as the inspiration for the Christian Old Testament." Slowly, Quark turned to look at Jadzia, a betrayed expression on his face. She smirked. "Guess your research wasn't thorough enough."

Quark sighed, drooping. The top of his hat fell over, chiming _ring-a-ding-ding-ding-ding_ as it bounced off his nose. "I guess it wasn't."

Odo laughed. "So much for your Bajoran customers following the Emissary's lead."

"W-well... at least I've got one Bajoran customer!" Quark dropped to his knees in front of Kira, who made a mildly disgusted face at the gesture. "Welcome, dearest Major Kira! What brings you to Quark's this evening?"

"Dax," Kira said. She turned to Jadzia to add, "I think the Universal Translator must not be working right; your message said you wanted to show me a, a missile?"

Jadzia's smile deepened. "Something like that." She nodded towards the back end of the bar. "Think you can bear to walk through all that to get to it?"

Kira looked across the length of the room. Scantily-clad girls stood at empty dabo tables. Morn was at his normal seat, jabbering at anyone foolish enough to listen. Brightly clothed waiters stood by, waiting for the next customer or disaster to appear. A few Starfleet officers sat at smaller, ostensibly private tables, eating and drinking Quark's Chris-Mass specials with slightly confused expressions on their faces. Bashir and O'Brien were still drinking at the bar, as far from Morn's seat as was possible, but they had moved on from one song to another, to a very solemn recitation of a poem, and now to a debate involving sand peas as the stand-ins for an ordered set of reindeer.

A smile in the corners of her eyes, Kira said, "I don't know, I might not make it."

Jadzia grabbed both of Kira's hands in hers and said, deeply serious, "I believe in you, Nerys." Cracking up, Kira shook her off and headed in. "I'll meet you at the top of the stairs!" Jadzia said, before turning back to make her goodbyes to Quark and Odo.

They looked a little stunned, in two very different ways.

"You've got that look again." Odo tapped suspiciously at his PADD, searching for an answer he wouldn't find easily. "The 'I know something you don't know, and when you figure it out it's going to be funny' one."

Quark got to his feet with a grin, toothy and pleased. "Ho ho _ho_ ," he said, running a finger over one lobe lasciviously. Now here was a Ferengi who knew his Standard homophones. And who had, after all, done a lot of research on this holiday, for all the good it had done him. "Why, Jadzia Dax, I _never_." Jadzia laughed, and followed after Kira with Quark's last words echoing in her ears:

"Merry Chris-Mass, you _filthy_ animal."


End file.
